Hecate

I don't get to domme people[mostly boys/men] very often anymore. Especially living in such a small town. It's a shame, I miss it a lot. Having things bought for me because I told them to, being given money whenever I demanded it, people to bite and scratch and deny as I pleased....

I haven't heard about other dommes who have a style like mine. The majority of them treat a boy with disdain and cruelty at every point of contact. Me? I am cold to you, with the occasional streak of cruelty that mostly shows up in anger or frustration. Sometimes it blossoms into an unlikely Zen of Violence that will leave us both panting. Praise is given objectively. It doesn't matter whether you completed it most of the way, you have failed. Yes, now, give me the money I demanded. I will unflinchingly pull it from your flesh if you fight me. You know I do not tolerate disobedience, that is why you're nothing but a shadow. Give me your blood as amends, I want to taste your pain.

I think of most people as tools. Not in the derogatory way, but in an objective way. People are tools, a screwdriver is a tool, a crowbar is a tool... Like that. Some people have little use. Some are suited only for service, some are only suited for back-of-the-house work. Some people can only do physical labor, and some people can only do numbers. And just as factually, some people are only good for making other people happy. I mean, hells, as a priestess, I get used as a tool by most of the people I've seen in the past year. Advice, an objective ear, a cook, an organizer, and one hell of a delegatrix.

In return, it's your job to be my tool. I will use you as you're needed, and maybe for things you never expected. And by the time I'm done with you, you'll be ready to crumble.

Seattle will never see me coming...

Time and I have always had a... strange relationship. I've had friends in different timezones since I was 12 or 13, so I'm pretty good with them now. Britain's usually 6 hours ahead of me, my friends on the West Coast 2 behind. My friends in Canada ahead 1, and Japan 14-15 hours ahead.

But...I don't *feel* time like a lot of people do. An hour and a day can feel the same, and waking up in the morning is just a continuation of the previous day with a newly-risen sun. It flows around me, barely touching me, while I see it caress those I know well. I get to see my distant friends change, grow, and many are starting families. It sort of freaks me out, because I'm still the same. It's strange to see people who've literally fought for what they believe in crumble beneath the weight of the choices they've made, or, worse, to see them give up on things entirely. I have a friend who, while we were in school, complaining that her boyfriend wanted a handfasting, and she thought that was too much commitment. Next time I'm in contact with her, she has a child by the same person, something she was vehemently against just a couple of years before. I have friends with military husbands on overseas assignments. I have friends who ARE military husbands on overseas assignments.

Meanwhile, to me, the past is as close as something that happened five minutes ago, I just can't remember it. Pretty much everything I feel feels the same as it always has. Things that hurt still hurt, and will always hurt, and won't fade. Neither will the good, though it may become eclipsed. It makes many things a struggle, especially in darker times.

But for me... even though things around me have changed, I haven't. If I have to, I'll be the last uncompromising person out there, because someone has to be.

It's a really rainy day today. I woke up with a sky the color of pale wet turquoise, and no sun. I'm okay with that, since morning sun just aggravates my allergies. Worse even than a noontime sun, but I digress. I got to hear thunder in my shower, since there's an open attic space next to it. It was so tranquil that I stopped paying attention to the water, but I managed to get out before it got too cold. I've never showered during a thunderstorm, not when I could hear it anyway. It's nice. It makes me even more excited for Seattle, because the rain and I get along just as well as the night and I do. It's nice to have surroundings you agree with, and that agree with you. <3 On that note, I'm doing that Thing I Like To Do, planning, in this case. Master and I have both wanted to live in Seattle for years. It's perfect for us both, and even though I've never been there, the more I read about it, and other people's experiences, the more it feels like home. The most walkable city in this country with some of the highest standards of living for a completely reasonable price... Full of friends I haven't seen in years and sexy kinky people I've never met... It feels like.... acceptance. I want to say I can't wait, but something about knowing exactly what will happen makes the trudging easier. I don't want to wait, but I don't have another choice, so I will wait patiently.

I was combing through my RSS reader this morning (oh god how I miss the Mac) and stumbled upon one of those silly little quizzes that the lovely Miss Madiera had done. I don't even remember the last time I did one of these, though I used to do them all the time when I was younger. I've become more adverse to sharing about myself, so I thought I'd step myself out of my comfort zone.

For those unaware, seme (seh-meh) is the equivalent to the dominant partner, while uke (ooh-keh) is the submissive.


30+ = Super Uke
21-30 = Uke
20 = Seme-uke (Seke)
10-19 = Seme
10- = Super Seme

[X] You like to be content in everything.
[X] When a person confesses their love to you and you don’t like them, you start feeling very tense and/or you don’t know what to say.
[X] You enjoy listening to smooth and relaxing music.
[--] You are quite hyperactive.
[   ] If you don’t like something, you start crying and you don’t care if you start talking too loud.
[X] You love candies or any type of caramel.
[X] You like making others blush.
[   ] You sleep with a doll/teddy bear/pilow in your hand.
[   ] You’re usually shy with the opposite gender.
[X] You like romantic-funny anime.
[?] Between L or Light cosplay, you prefer L. (I don't wanna cosplay either of these characters....)
[   ] You have listened to “an café”.
[   ] You like listening to it.
[   ] You have one or two songs on your computer of “an café”.
[X] You are innocent and/or a little clumsy.
[X] You smile at kitties.
[X] You usually say “kawaii”.
[X] You like plushies. ( Animu ones. )
[   ] Between light blue and blue, you prefer light blue.
[X] You hate Paris Hilton because she is an idiot a complete bint
[   ] You have been lost in a shopping centre/parking/cinema.
[   ] You have called the mistaken number twice or more.
[   ] You cried with Pocahontas’ ending.
[X] You have used a very feminine dress or shirt.
[X] You call your pets cute names. (Tai is all sorts of derivations, like Koneko-kun [elder kitten, respectful], Yama-san [Mr. Mountain], Yama-neko [Mountain cat], etc)
[1/2] You believe that yaoi is the best.
[   ] You’re easy to trick/convince.
[X] Some men scare you.
[   ] You have seen Pucca and you like it.
[   ] You have pink/red clothes and they are decorated with flowers. (No I do not. Period. Fullstop. The end.)
[   ] Sometimes you start looking at the clouds and you get lost in space.
[   ] You’ve said “kyao” or something like that before.
[X] When a person of the same gender gets angry with you, you’re at the defensive. (Bitches be crazy)
[X] You like j-pop. (I wanna be your gentleman~)
[X] You have cried for more than one movie/TV series. (NO ONE TELL MASTER)
[   ] You watched Gravitation and you felt like Shuichi or you watched Strawberry Panic and you felt like Nagisa.
[   ] You smile for no reason.
[   ] You usually are very positive.
[   ] When there’s a rainbow, you run out to see it.
[   ] You usually don’t understand what your parents say. (what does this even mean)

Score: 18 1/2

I haz a dominant. This was a lot....gayer of a quiz than expected.

Soooo.... you guys are probably wondering what happened to me, huh? >_> I've just always had this apprehension about writing about my self as opposed to anything else, and given that my state of being is generally "pain pain pain with a side of financial stress" it sort of seems like a waste of internetspace. I'm trying to make myself be better about it, at least.... I don't know if it is working yet.

So Master has a steadyish job again (finally) and it's warming up enough that my body can finally function regularly. I hate when he doesn't have a job, the stress from ME, the crippled, sociophobic pet who doesn't even like being called a person, being the person who has to support us both, just exacerbates all of my physical problems especially in winter. bah humbug.

SO, for those of you who don't know, I've been working pretty diligently on Lady.Spookfox, which is basically my camming hub. It brings all my media together: camsites (so many now ;_;), photos, video clips, pervy things I am selling, etc. All these things have their own place, of course, but I like being able to bring them all together.

I was supposed to be on adultwork right now, but my computer's being a little weird so I'm running checks to make sure it's fine. It's probably not a real issue, but Spybot S&D is currently up to around 800 THOUSAND (aaaaaaa) things to watch out for, so this scan is taking forever.

I started on AdultWork last week, and while I'm still new to it, I'm finding I like this place better than others I've worked. MFC is just way too high energy. I've tried lotion shows, strip shows, self-shibari shows, caramel, oil, showers, tip for boobs, tip for tits, playing with my cat,being hyper and super happy and active, and maaaaaaaaaan. Just not worth it. I have no idea how the girls at the top GOT there in the first place, aside from what's technically breaking the rules. I don't really care what they do, but given that I am determined to do the things that others won't, my integrity's sort of biting me on the ass there. I don't even know what my camscore is, but the last few times I've gone on I've made approximately 25c. lol? So I think it may not be too much longer until I call it a loss and put up banners that link to my site so people can see where else I am. ... Not that I shouldn't do that anyway, I guess. Maybe I'd be doing that if this virus check wasn't eating my whole CPU.


As far as the writing thing goes, I'm nowhere near done. a wonderful mystery does have a definite end, but it won't be for a while. To get myself in the habit of dirty writing again, I've got a long long long list of fetish prompts that I found as part of a contest on LiveJournal. ...I don't remember how I actually got to it (fanfiction?), but it's a contest where basically you have 50 fetishes you need to write for a particular pairing of a particular fandom, and you get to choose who. I'm pretty interested in seeing the results, but I partly decided to do it because I feel I need to stretch my writing boundaries. And don't worry, this won't be another of those things that has a definite number of things I'm supposed to do and I sort of peter off.... No, I'm not even going to start posting them until I have at least six done, and I'm choosing them randomly. My OCD won't let me post them up out of order, so that should do it :D