30 Days of Truth - A Letter to a past love

Hey Luke.

I've missed you a lot. We used to hang out all the time, and remember how I used to buy Warhammer 40k pieces for you from Britain, because you didn't have a credit card? That was pretty fun. I liked ordering tiny figurines that I had no idea about, and receiving a package full of painstakingly painted warriors. Always Dark Eldar. I STILL don't know what that means, even though Master's brother is into it, too.

Speaking of war, I'm surprised at how we turned out. We thought for sure that I would be the soldier, though looking back on it, I'm not really sure what else you would have done. I remember how you teased me every Thursday about my Navy uniform, because despite the fact that I was always fighting, you didn't expect me to want to be a soldier. I was disappointed when my legs started going downhill, because I knew I would never be able to. The fact that our country is fighting a war that I don't believe in helped lessen the sting, at least. Fortunately, with the emergence of war video games, I can live vicariously and pretend, at least for a little bit, that I'm doing something I love. You'd be proud to watch me play.

You know, now that I think about it, I never really even thought we had a future. At best I had hoped for friends with benefits, but these days I know my lack of genuine expectations means things won't happen. I wasn't surprised by the distance you kept me at, and I was even okay with it. The important thing was that I had a friend who didn't see me as a girl. You treated me like a boy, and I loved it. Girls aren't praised for their speed, for their combat ability. For the most part, I wasn't praised for anything. But you congratulated me when I took a fence with one hand. Every effort I put forth, you saw. You were the first person to make me realize my racial memory, and the first to make me realize that it was okay that I wasn't a girl, even though I had a girl body.

Thanks for everything. I am glad we are still friends, even if we can't be as close as we were.